Checking the box

During a recent run I was chatting with some friends about everyone's favorite topic --- dating and relationships. While they were talking about likes/dislikes and the challenge of on-line dating b/c it has a tendency to reinforce a checklist mentality (btw...SO true!), I was immediately brought back to May 20, 2008 and a conversation I was having in a restuarant in Miami. It's funny how the oddest things trigger a memory.

I had just attended my brother's wedding and a few days immersed in the Miami scene. I was remarking about how intriguing it was that I had never felt so invisible. Now mind you, I have a pretty outgoing personality and am ok walking into a room full of strangers and having a pretty good time --- but in Miami I would walk into a club and it was as if I didn't exist. It got so funny that at one club I was afraid that once I stepped out of the fancy VIP area I wouldn't be able to get back in with my group. I literally went up to one of the bouncers guarding the door to have him look at me before I left to make sure he would remember me when I returned. I am seriously not kidding.

I am here to tell you that that night had everything to do with a checklist...and at that time in my life I definitely wasn't on the list. I was going through a tough time and was the heaviest I had ever been...and in Miami...I might as well have had leprosy. To top it off...I had a case of being too preppy. Preppy girls do not fair well in nightclubs in Miami.

Interestingly, instead of being devastated I was just a little hurt but more fascinated by how I was treated...and it was pretty consistent. Folks would literally look right through me as if I didn't exist. I was the same person...with the same winning personality...but didn't fit in to what folks expected.

Since then I notice how people treat me differently depending on how I look. Some might say when you feel good about yourself you're more confident and being more confident can lead to a more positive reaction. I think there is some truth to that, but I do think that's only part of the story.

Now I'm no angel. We all use checklists, but I like to think that my checklist is a lot more flexible as a result of that night in Miami...and surprisingly I'm grateful for the lesson.